Why We Chose to Foster

Well, this is kind of hard to answer.  Believe it or not this is one of the first questions asked when you are applying to become a foster parent.  Everyone's story can be unique.  For some it is because they are unable to have kids of their own.  For others it could be that they have already been parents to "bio-kids" (their own biollogical kids) and now may have empty nest syndrome and still have plenty of love to give.  Or perhaps they are current parents with kids still living at home and want to have a bigger family or they of course have room to spare in their homes and in their hearts.

For us, well, it is the first one.  My wife has a genetic disease that runs in her family and we chose early on that we didn't want to pass that disease one to a child.  The odds were 50/50 but I don't know if it would be ethical to do so with the odds.  For some people they chose to have kids anyways and let God decide and I get that act of faith too.  However, for us, we just didn't want to do that.  So, like I said, we chose not to have any biological kids of our own.  

Instead we dedicate our time working with youth in other ways.  Through Scouting, youth groups, and church and of course what we call "the rental program".  The rental program is where we borrow nieces and nephews or other kids that we have built a close relationship with and create shared experiences over a weekend or just a few hours then return them to their parents.  That has actually worked out quite well until recently.

During our time in this COVID pandemic in which we found ourselves more isolated and associating with others was more difficult our home felt a little more lonely then we would have liked.  We have extra rooms, one of which is a dedicated room for prayer and the other a guest room which is hardly ever used.  My wife and I would just stare at each other and honestly, it just got boring.  My wife can only take so much of me.  I tend to keep her on her toes.

We had discussed foster care many times before in the past and have actually attended an info session many years ago but we decided not to pursue it at that time.  Over the years I have kept mental notes on different agencies in our area that we could work through as well as directly with DCS.  At time we didn't want to just be a temporary home, become attached, and then to suffer the heartache of losing the kid to be placed in another home or going back to their family.

My family experienced this once when my parents took in a kid that was loosely related to us.  She was three or four years old at the time and we became really attached to her.  Unfortunately she was reunited with her family (which we didn't agree with) and I saw my Mom take it really hard.  I honestly lost some faith in the system witnessing that.

Because of this we wanted to mitigate our attachment loss and started looking at ways we could adopt through foster care. One day I had read an article from an interview with one of the local agencies, Youth Villages.  What is interesting is that several years ago my business partners and I were looking at office space next door to their agency, little did I know then that one day I would be working with them.  

I reached out to the contact person who gave the interview and we began the process, first was of course the initial info session and I had a list of questions for them in comparing why we should do an agency versus directly with DCS.  And I have got to say, for those looking at this similar journey, definitely go through and agency but find the right one for you.  Different agencies can focus on different aspects such as behavioral, therapeutic, etc. needs of children.

So to kind of wrap this up, we chose this adventure to hopefully, one day, adopt a kid whom we can call our own through foster care.  We have BIG hearts, a safe home, and a very loving extended family to offer a kid.  Additionally, we love to travel and want to share those experiences with someone who might not otherwise be able to do so.  I believe in God's timing always and was actively involved heavily in Scouting (an Eagle Scout I might add) and was even privileged to serve as Scoutmaster for a short time.  During those years I became attached to many of those young men that I never expected to happen.  Scouting was a place for me to continue doing what I loved and that was camping but it became more as I built relationships with kids and their families.  In September of 2019 after one of the BEST year's ever in my adult Scouting life I found myself forced out of the program and the loss was severe.  I loved many of those kids as if they were my own.  The timing was right though.  I was there at the right time with the right kids and families.  And now, I have the time and freedom to begin this journey which otherwise may never have happened.