Is Respite An Option for Punishment?

What is Respite?

Respite is an option used in foster care to give foster parents a needed break from the challenges of parenting a child they didn't birth. Foster parenting can be even more demanding than traditional paren- ting depending on the child's behaviors and needs. It can take not only a physical and emotional toll but also a spiritual toll. In foster care when we want to utilize that option we simply make a call to our agency contact give them the dates needed and they arrange for another foster parent to have the child during that time. We personally have taken respite calls from as far away as 3 hours. It also provides an opportunity for spouses to reconnect and spend time with each and keep their marriage strong.

Using respite is a great tool and should be utilized however, when it used to punish the child that is where I disagree. We have taken in children for multiple reasons and a common one is where the foster parent is mad at them for some behavior or action and send the kid on respite. I mean if this was a biological child you wouldn't do that right? I think it is a far greater punishment for the child to have stay with you with the awkward stares and conversations knowing you are disappointed in them and upset then to send them on vacation. Because most of these kids view respite as a vacation for them. I get it, you are upset and disappointed. I have been there and will probably be there many more times in the future but in my experience, it has made our bond stronger with the child knowing that they are NOT a commodity and that this is what a family is like. It may take a few days or even a week or longer for everyone to come around. When it comes to a teenager I have even found writing a note, getting it on paper, and sharing it can be helpful. But I don't believe using respite as punishment is is a good utilization because is it really punishing them? 

Raising a child you didn't give birth too can be very hard but you had to accept that going into this adventure and also it can be surprisingly more difficult then expected. So by all means use Respite if you must, even during the times you may get emotionally deregulated yourself because it certainly is better than the alternative and it is a resource we as foster parents have that traditional parents do not, having to rely on family and friends for that break. After all, for us it through respite as punishment that we came to our future adoptive son and for that we are thankful. We actually think he got in trouble on purpose just so that they would send him on respite to us. So, just remember, respite does not equal punishment BUT, do what you need to in order to maintain your sanity.

Our Adoptive Son Teaching a Respite Kiddo Pancakes


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